After long time stucked in flat relationship, this month is another 5 months-single-of-me. There are a lot interesting happening in my life recently. Just like what i said before in my post, now i working in Jakarta as Sosial Media of fashion website. Thank God i get such as interesting job. Besides job, i also having relationship where i called it heartbeat. curious aren’t you?
Lemme explain, as the time goes i realize that in the past i get hurt when i am in a relationship because i have such as hope and expectation to get loved back. Yes, it sound normal when you love someone and you want them love you back. However, you may not realize this kind of thought will make you much more easier getting hurted. I mean, hey who want to be ignore by someone they loved? But yes, you have to lower you expectation if you do not want to dissapoint.
Why i said that, because i am experiencing this kind of situation. Have you imagine that you even meet with someone that connected with you in almost of your thought, habit and point of view? If you have that kind of person, never let them go. I mean, you can not force person to stay in your life, but you can make them willing to stay because they want it. If you ask how? There is very easy way. The thing that you can do is follow your heart, throw you ego and never make any expectation. These all not easy, but once you can do it you will enjoy every little details that you spend with them. No matter what risk that waiting of you later on.
Honestly, in my life before, I never let somebody get too far into my life because i am afraid to get hurt. However, lately i realize that what i did just wrong. As your expectation get higher, you will be easier to feel disappointed with the reality. I believe when you brave enough to fall in love, you have to brave enough to face all the worst chance. Because fall is never be easy, because fall is always make you get hurt.
I am trying to convince myself that when i am starting to like someone, the best thing to do is shows it no matter how hurt it will. My beloved lecture, Bu Neny once said to me, “Enjoy while it happening.” This simple sentence make me realize that all the thing that i can do is enjoying the time, so there will be no regret when it ends. Believe me, what that truly yours will be yours no matter what and what is not yours never be yours no matter how hard you try to get it.
This remain me to old sentence, “If loving you was wrong, i do not wanna be right”, Yes, i meant it, even i will shared the tears i will stop fighting of in sof way, showing what actually i feel, as long as i can stand. So, if you ever feel like liking someone, just never stop, never expect he/she will like you back until you really tired of trying. If there’s still a reason to stay, just stay because when she/he meant to be yours, they will be.
This time, i still learning to prove my sentence. Of course its not easy, of course it sound silly but at least i am trying and standing for what i believe. We never know what the future brings because life is always bring surprises, but we always can pretending that there no reason to knock down ourselves.
Old Javanese people once said, there always good side in every bad side. Yes, i agree with that because i there always be a lesson behind something bad that happened in my life. Well, the night getting old, the conversation getting heavy and the feeling getting strong. That’s why i called it heartbeat.